I love living in New York, but I think there’s something about this time of year that drives people here a little crazy. After several months of cold weather (though we have admittedly had an unnervingly mild winter), people are tired of being cooped up inside, and by February our stir-craziness reaches a fever pitch. Everyone goes just a little bit batty.
Maybe that’s why I ended up watching the entire Time/Life Soft Rock Collection infomercial the other day. Set in the den of an oceanside summer home on some anonymous island a world away from our crummy winter sidewalks, the commercial is hosted by Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock of the seminal snooze rock band Air Supply. Graham and Russell sit side by side on the couch, gushing about the nostalgic power of a good soft rock melody while hit after soothing hit scroll by at the bottom of the screen. It’s all rather mesmerizing…and to think that all ten soporific CDs can be mine for just $149. Had I not been so hypnotized by the sentimental sounds of Chicago’s It’s Hard For Me To Say I’m Sorry, I might have called to place my order.
To be honest, I was a little miffed by the content of Time/Life’s collection. Several years ago, in preparation for a prom-themed party we were hosting, I created my own mix of soft rock hits called A Magical Evening. From the first electronic drum beat of Lady in Red to the wailing saxophone intro of Careless Whisper, A Magical Evening was formulated to get you out on that gymnasium dance floor swaying awkwardly back and forth with that prom date of your high school dreams. It’s truly one of my finest achievements.
While A Magical Evening might not be a ten-CD set (and does not include a bonus CD if you act now), I do have one thing over those hacks at Time/Life. Unlike their carelessly assembled collection, A Magical Evening tells a story. This isn’t just a collection of songs; it’s a lifetime of memories, squished into a single playlist.
Now, since I’m mad at Time/Life, and because the cold is making me a little crazy, I present to you the story of A Magical Evening. I hope you enjoy.
It’s a Wednesday night at the local bar. He’s getting a beer with some friends and then—who’s that at the jukebox? It’s her. She puts on an Eric Carmen song and glances at him with Hungry Eyes.
It’s Valentine’s Day. They’ve been seeing each other for a few months now. Holding a box of chocolates and a dozen roses, he rings the doorbell. What greets him is the most stunning vision he’s ever seen. It’s the Lady in Red. Soon, they’ll be dancing cheek-to-cheek. In the coming days, he’ll proclaim his devotion to her. “Wherever you go,” he says in his raspy melodic voice, “I will be Right Here Waiting For You.”
But no one said love is easy. Since the day they met, he knew she was a wild one. “Who’s Gonna Drive You Home Tonight?” he asks her. But She’s Like the Wind. She can’t be tamed.
All seems lost, and he spends his days reliving what once was. ” Next Time I Fall In Love, I’ll know better what to do,” he tells himself. But each evening as he closes his eyes, he feels like he Just Died In Your Arms Tonight.
She reappears just as suddenly as she left. She’s ready to be together, she says, telling him over and over that Everything I Do, I Do It For You. But after so many Careless Whispers, can he accept her plea? Sometimes he feels All Out of Love.
But even a Total Eclipse of the Heart passes. After All that they’ve been through, he tells her, “I’ve Had The Time of My Life.”
They’re together. They’re happy. And they’re in love. Endless Love.