anywhereisbetter

Years ago, I looked to the future and wondered what fabulous things science would bring us in the decades to come. Alternative fuels, cures for diseases, even just a non-flammable polyester- I imagined all of the ways in which new technology would benefit mankind. I dreamt of a utopia of innovative creations and life-altering gadgets, and instead I get Golf on Demand.

You’re probably already familiar with HBO on Demand, a subscription service that allows unlimited viewing of any program that HBO has made available for that given time. It’s easy and relatively cheap, but more importantly, it’s totally cool.

Golf on Demand, hereafter known as simply “GoD,” is just like any other “On Demand” channel, except, you know, like, for golf. Missed the back nine of the Master’s Tournament? Can’t get enough of that Phil Mickleson birdey on a par 4? Looking for footage of Lee Travino’s temper tantrum after missing a simple putt because of an ill-timed visit by the Kissing Bandit? No problem! Just tune in to Golf on Demand and see what you’ve been missing!

While detractors–or, more aptly, luddites–might assail such programming as mere extravagance in a country that already enjoys the convenience of prefab frozen crustless PB & J’s, a quick glance at the GoD program list will reveal a number of public service announcements designed to help the average golfer deal with more day-to-day issues. In addition to tips on how to improve your swing or better chip your way out of a sand trap, the station offers advice on staying fit through golf, and my favorite, a one minute spot on the effects of alcohol and caffeine on you golf performance. Drink too much? Well don’t- alcoholism adds an average of five strokes to one’s game. Thanks for the info, GoD. You truly are my saviour.

Golf on Demand isn’t Time Warner Digital’s only new offering. CNN on Demand provides viewers with wacky news stories from the weeks before, and AOL Music on Demand has “today’s hottest videos” at the push of a button. This channel is particularly amusing, since in addition to videos, one can select from a number of “Live from AOL” acoustic performances. Most of the time, the musicians don’t even try to act interested, and I think I saw the bass player for Good Charlotte cursing their record label under his breath for sending them to such a godawful gig.

Of all the stations to get into the On Demand craze, my favorite has to be C-SPAN. As a longtime fan of the station, I’m more than a little excited to be able to sit down after work, push a few buttons, and see what I missed in this week’s Prime Minister’s Question Hour. Finally, an On Demand channel I can actually use.

Hey, maybe we haven’t found a cure for cancer, put astronauts on Mars, or created an effective remedy for baldness, but somebody out there’s working on it, right? Until then, I’m going to sit back, crack open a low-carb beer, and watch the Tories take their shots at Tony Blair for sixty minutes. I guess the promise of technology has not entirely disappointed after all.