While I Was Out

A few things I’ve learned watching daytime television this week while I was sick:

From commercials:

- Earning your bachelor’s degree online can take as little as three years.
- Get your degree in video game design or film production!
- Calling [insert online college name here] will put you on the path to SUCCESS!
- Call now!
- CALL NOW!!!
- CALL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the TV show Cheaters:

- If you really want answers for why your partner is cheating on you, leave the camera crew at home.
- No one really minds being “the other man/woman.” They will say things like “she should have seen the writing on the wall,” and “he hasn’t loved her for months now.”
- When confronting your cheating boy or girlfriend, it is unlikely that the television host’s comments will contribute anything useful to the conversation. Leave him at home with the camera crew.
- Cops comes on right after Cheaters, so if you’re not careful, you could end up watching the first few minutes of Cops by accident. Beware.

Other Miscellanea: 

- Battlestar Galactica is awesome.

Too much time…

If you’ve seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, then you probably have some idea of what kind of results a YouTube search for “paging Mr. Herman” will yield.  What I wasn’t able to anticipate, however, is the treasure trove of “related videos” that would show up as well.  Behold:

 

Work, School, and the Movies

Forgive me. I was going to say that I’ve been busy, but the fact is that I’ve been busier and still found time to post something up in this website.

So what have I been up to, anyway? A lot of things, I guess. Allow me to enumerate.

1. Work. It’s a fact. I’ve been working. Same job at the hedge fund. It’s good, but my departure from said job is imminent. See #2.

2. Getting into grad school. Also a fact. After several weeks of compulsive email checking and checking those cursed forums on The Grad Cafe, the letter finally came. This fall, I will be enrolling in the Ph.D. program in sociology at the University of Chicago. I’m pretty excited about this.

3. Watching bad, bad movies. Jon-the-Roommate convinced us to go see National Treasure: Book of Assclownery one fateful Friday night, and I still haven’t forgiven him. In retribution, I (somehow) convinced him to pay real, legal tender to see 27 Dresses the next week. As we sat watching ”The Twenty” before the movie, group after group of single women filed into the theatre, and Jon knew what he was in for. I laughed and laughed. Even though I had to sit through this god-awful chick flick too, knowing I had suckered Jon into coming along somehow made it worth my troubles. But man, was that movie terrible.

And then there are the movies I’ve watched at home. A sampling:

The object of Jessica Simpson's affectionEmployee of the Month . This is that movie where Jessica Simpson or whatever her name is inexplicably does it with whoever is crowned “Employee of the Month” at the local Wal-Mart. Lucky for us viewers, that employee happens to be the hunky Dane Cook, not one of those old-ass greeter dudes at the front door. As you might imagine, the whole situation gets pretty crazy, and at some point it almost looks like he might possibly not get the girl. Then he gets her anyway.

Although this movie sucked, I found myself “lol-ing” now and again, in spite of Jon’s scornful glances.

Wild Hogs. Okay, we only watched the second half, but man… seriously? Did we really watch this? I guess John Travolta wanted to… diversify his roles, but his overacting as the high-strung jobless dude is just embarrassing. Tim Allen is much better, and that’s sayin’ something. Because he was bad, too.

Meatballs. This movie is actually pretty awesome. This may be Bill Murray’s first “Bill Murray Inspirational Speech,” too (“It just doesn’t matter!”). And the rag-tag summer camp versus rich kid camp competition at the end is a classic matchup. All this movie lacks is Corey Feldman. For that, you need to watch Meatballs 4.

Beerfest. Another pretty awesome movie. Inspiring, even. Just thinking about this movie makes me too stupid to write anything witty or even sensible, but that’s the joy in it. Want stupid fun? See Beerfest.

In the Good Movie Department, we also saw The Bank Job this weekend. They say it’s “based on a true story,” but as far as I’m concerned, that probably means that there was really a bank, and someone once had a job. I don’t much care about the authenticity of the plot, though. It was just a good crime story. And I like me a good crime story.

Irony: The Ultimate Confounding Variable

In a demonstration that even the greatest technical minds have yet to create an algorithm that accounts for irony, the following links have recently shown up on my Gmail sidebar:

Take the Free CatAge Test
Get free cat health advice and learn how old your cat really is.
www.CatAge.com

Cat Urine Behavior
problems? Products and advice that really work at CatFaeries.com
www.CatFaeries.com

Expert Cat Sitting - NYC
Experienced cat sitters available for regular & last-minute needs.
www.TwoDogsAndAGoat.com

Palm-Meow, Inc
cat retirement/boarding - Florida Tropical Paradise for Your Cat
www.palm-meow.com

I have also been corresponding with a friend who is looking for a job, which has resulted in many links offering resume and cover letter help.

All of this points to one sad fact: Google thinks I am an unemployed cat lady.

 

 

Very Mature

For Nick: